Ya Allah Im Afraid!!..Only you know what is it ..

Its true , im just fooling myself ?
Time went and and there I was and I was realize something but couldnt talk about,I was afraid it might hurt me if I talk loud about it,but who could hurts me if Allah doesnt want to.But His power makes me afraid because I know that He the One can change things in just a second.But I know He told me that He will test my life with hunger,poverty,losing provision of my work etc but if im patience and thank Him I will ins7allah succes.But deep down my heart is bleeding,its hard He knows all my secret and im happy that  He does even if I will not try to mention it but stil I want to keep it inside.Allah!! You knows there is something that I want but so scared to ask you about you might give to me,so im afraid of it for each days that goes by for that thing.
Im kind of dumb or naive or should go and fight for it because its really mine? or its just im just running from something that is so bad for me but its better then miljon things on this earth only you knows the true.But its like im always keep myself distance from this things but when im doing that then this things come closer to me and im really trying to understand this things.But its so painfull to talk about and its make me even more sad to think about it ...But its something I want Subhan wa ta'ala..So Pls have mercy on me when I dont have anyone but U..

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